


can't find paradise on the ground

by likewisely



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 00:56:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20715428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likewisely/pseuds/likewisely
Summary: a short pretty little liars piecearound 1x10 when hanna's in the hospital and emily's sexuality comes out.





	can't find paradise on the ground

**Author's Note:**

> emily centric. not much A talk. implies past emison, mainly headcanons that weren't mentioned in the series.

one. all we do is hide away

Your heart is practically beating out of your chest. The words come out of your mouth -twice, but they still don't even feel like your own. You haven't even really said it to yourself yet._ I'm gay._ It seems like a forgien language. All of your friends understood what those words in the library meant but none of them pushed you because they understand who your parents are and what they want from you. None of them feel pressure in the same ways. To hide from who you are, to feel repulsed by this secret you've kept locked away for so many years.

two. all we do is lie and wait

You eavesdrop on your parents while they talk about you, as if you're a vile disappointment who _wasn't_ just near a mental breakdown minutes prior. Your mother mentions something that was mailed to her, you know it's the pictures, without having to think twice. That means she'll place blame on Maya without conviction, without any real evidence otherwise because they never knew about Alison. They never knew about the time the girl at the Brew winked at you after giving you a cup of coffee free of charge. Then you think that's maybe the problem, they don't know. They don't know you or how you took those long showers after your dates with Ben because you felt like you needed to scrub your skin off to stop feeling as if his cologne was going to suffocate you.

You get angry and give up on having hope that maybe they'll love you unconditionally, and stalk to your room.

The relationship you had with your mother has never been tentative, it's always been too tight around the edges. Neither of you really know how to coexist fully without tearing the other one apart so you both do your best to skirt around each other like magnets with the same poles.

three. i've been upside down

It's only later the same day when you ask to go see Hanna. Your father says yes without hesitation and then mentions cleaning out the garage. It takes you nearly ten minutes to find your mother. She's in her closet, the irony is not lost on you, dusting furiously.

"Mom?"

You scare her, accidentally. She whips around with wide eyes, sputtering,

"Em- Emily, what do you need?"

You mention the hospital and how your friends are all there.

"Maybe, it's- maybe you shouldn't see your ..._friends_ right now. It's not a good idea to see them at a time like this."

She has a tone of disgust when she says this, and it infuriates you because your friends have done nothing wrong. They've loved you without reserve since the truth was told.

"What are you implying? Hanna's in the hospital because we went to a party she wasn't invited to and she felt so jealous she decided to skirt around the perimeter before getting hit by a car."

This is a half lie but you used to be so good at lying that you don't really feel anything when it pops out of your mouth. The silence in the room is practically choking you.

"Are they... Is it one of them? Did one of them convince you it was okay to do these things, Emily? Is this their sick way of comforting you since all of this stuff about Alison's murder came to light?" She breathes so shakily as if this is breaking her jaw on the way out of her mouth. "Was it Aria? Those pink strips in her hair always made me think something was going on. I know her parents always let her act as if there were no repercussions to her-"

"How _dare_ you? No, this wasn't any of my friends, who are straight by the way. This is who I am. None of them are to blame for any of this. They haven't done anything but support me and be there for me because apparently my own _Mother_ can't be."

There's a loaded silence that's filled with much more than anger.

"I'm going to the hospital to see Hanna. I'll be back before curfew."

four. i don't wanna' be the right way round

You get to Hanna's room and everyone is laughing, as if time hasn't stopped for you.

Spencer mentions ordering Chinese food and asks if you've already eaten anything.

"Well I didn't have time to eat anything when my parents were shoving me back into the closet."

Hanna's the first to speak up, and parts of you wish your mother were here to see her defend you.

"Wait, you told them? You told them and they weren't okay with it? That's crap!"

Spencer is holding your hand, and you know she understands what it's like to feel as if you need someone else to keep you from floating away.

"They had a fight about it and my mom practically condemned me right after she accused me and Aria were having some sort of My-bestfriend-was-murdered-let's-have-a-_secret-lesbian-affair_-because-of-the-trauma."

She's been silent this entire time but she's gasping now.

"What? She thinks you're gay because of Alison's_ murder_? What the hell is her problem?"

Aria's nearly yelling and you can see Hanna start to fidget with her cast, as if she's planning a way to march to your house that moment.

You're angry crying now, because you've hated yourself for so long only to find out your parents do too. Then you hear loud beeping in the hallway and you remember where you are.

"Sorry Hanna, I didn't mean to make this about me. Tonight has sorta' just been a rollercoaster."

"Hey, don't say sorry. I get it. Your lives aren't on pause because i'm stuck being a patient in Grey's Anatomy."

Everyone understands you need to stop talking about this for a bit so they move on. Discussing the horrible food Hanna's been eating seems to catch all their attention.

Aria stands next to you and asks,

"You told them?"

If it were anyone but the three girls in this room you'd blatantly tell them to go fly a kite, but you get it. She wants to make sure it was you and not A, because there are some secrets that should only come out when you decide.

"Yeah."

"How was that?"

You only hesitate for a few seconds. Horrible. Awful. I feel like they're repulsed by me.

"Rough."

You get for now, that it has to be this way because nothing in your life has ever been easy.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first published work, so i hope everyone enjoys!


End file.
